you say you’ve got it all figured out, but i can see through your skin. transparency was always something that you couldn’t help from coming easily. even though you didn’t let me in you let me knock upon the glass. i saw your room, cluttered with sadness, and the darkness clinging to your walls. your routine of motions like a list, waiting for to-do. you stick to it sometimes but its all too easy to let yourself give in to that carefully avoided but all too tempting sin. you forgot to turn the light off; i can see that you’re home. the summer storm came rolling in and now your window is broken. i can hear the song you’re singing but it’s not music to my ears. the syllables of silence sound all too familiar. you’re humming that old memory of wooden floors and autumns kiss; you’re filling up your mind with everything you’ve missed but you make no move to catch it- it slips through your fingertips and you’re staring out the window wondering how it came to this.


7/2/2017 (not even for a second)

i keep checking my phone, hoping to see your name on the screen. i don’t know why; each time i’m only disappointed again.

i keep thinking of you, though i know that i shouldn’t. if even i can’t understand it, than what’s the use in worrying? but

i keep wondering what could happen, if somehow it were true. but then, again, i see you, and i know you wouldn’t do

what it is they say you would, no not even for a second. but do i really know you as well as i think? could you surprise me still, even after all this time? i feel like i’ve been reaching for so long with no response; falling back down to the start each time (and time) again-

but i wouldn’t change it for the world, no not even for a second. no, i wouldn’t give you up (no, not even for a second).