what i never told you – 1/16

even though i know its wrong i miss the days of wanting you. i miss the start your smile gave me, miss the way your touch would make me second guess even more- but love can’t be forced.

and what i never told you is why you deserve the love i found but kept hidden. how deep my longing way, even though you couldn’t see it. how great your humor is, even when you don’t feel clever- and how much you mean to me, even though i knew you’d never agree. i never told you cause you never told me.

doors closing and time ticking, i always knew that it would end eventually, but i never thought it’d be so soon- no, not for you. and now we have a new definition, one yet to be put in words, because i don’t understand it. i don’t understand, oh

why i never told you why you deserve the love i found but kept hidden. how deep my longing way, even though you couldn’t see it. how great your humor is, even when you don’t feel clever- and how much you mean to me, even though i knew you’d never agree. i never told you cause you never told me.

how’d we end up in this space? i feel so out of place. why’d you bring me here anyway? it would have been fine if things stayed the same.

 

 

Advertisements

chicago in the fall

[recording on SoundCloud]

when all your colors change, summers turned your stone face gray, overgrown with leaves. oh, i know how it feels to be walked on day after day. oh, the train’s leaving again.
when all your colors fade, whats left but to trade everything for a ticket to anywhere else? oh that’s what they all say, but day after day, the train’s leaving again. oh, the train’s leaving.

[chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. the yellow leaves beneath my feet, they ease the hurting. chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. you never ask for nothing in return; i’ll be returning in the fall.]

everyone is in their place. the space for space disappears as the time goes on. the clock ticks it tongue in shame; oh, you’ve spent it all away, day after day. and the train’s leaving again. oh, the train’s leaving.

[chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. the yellow leaves beneath my feet, they ease the hurting. chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. you never ask for nothing in return; i’ll be returning in the fall.]

how do these old streets sound? did you get to say goodbye? did you leave it all behind? there’s always one more life that you can barely see through closed eyes, but you try, and you’re always missing it, cause the train’s leaving. oh, the train’s leaving.

[chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. the yellow leaves beneath my feet, they ease the hurting. chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. you never ask for nothing in return; i’ll be returning in the fall.]

this storm (song) – 11/1/17

the sky is green, the clouds hang heavy over everything. the air is mean; i feel the sting of everything,

everything that you said before you called this storm over me.

it’s bittersweet how all these memories have taken on the smoke from the wildfires. the fields burned quick, but they left behind the trees, standing tall for all that they believe.

well i stood there, as you covered me in flame, until this rain came over me. until this rain poured over me. until this storm passed over me.

i’ve seen it all before. we’ve all heard the thunderstorms, but if you happen to find yourself beneath a cloud, by all means, stay

and let the rain wash it all away. let the rain wash away your pain. let the rain wash it all away.

empty room

i’m too tired to fall asleep; all i can do is think about you and everything you said. oh, wasn’t everything you meant a lie?

now i see, who you were to me- it wasn’t true.

i’m still amazed at this wall that you’ve built up piece by piece to somehow draw them in, yet somehow still keep everyone from finding

who you are, oh i should have known it from the start- it wasn’t true.

how wrong of me to assume that there wasn’t anything but truth in your smiles, and how foolish of me to fall for what felt like belonging in your eyes.

oh now i see, all that i believed… (it wasn’t true). this concept off limits; i never thought we’d reach this point. i don’t know what i’m doing; i never thought we’d reach this point. you’re fading to black and i’m fading to blue, oh- i never thought it’d get so dark that i couldn’t see you.

(it’s in this quiet,

it’s in this silence,

it’s in this empty room).

i once thought i knew

[recording on soundcloud]

there were days when nothing made me happier than seeing you, and there were nights when nothing that i tried brought me peace from seeing you.

but time has taken that all away. time has faded everything that i once thought i knew to be true.

all that i could see was what made sense to me, and even though we were so lost in the gray, i followed you. i always meant to ask, how’d you learn to smile like that and make all the bad, all the bad, go away?

as the days take longer, my memory of everything that’s gone grows fonder- but time has taken that all away. time has faded everything that i once thought i knew to be true: oh, time has taken you.

i’ll take the blame (unfinished song)

empty words come easier than the real ones- maybe that’s why the cost is cheap. but just like me they’re not as strong, no, they can’t hold the weight of what i mean.

oh, tell me the truth. it can’t be as hard as they say, at least i know that it can’t hurt. oh, give me the truth; as clean and simple as it’s name. oh, tell me the truth and i’ll take the blame.

it’s been so long since we both looked up and saw that big old moon shining bright. all too soon, we’d be seeing different skies; had our backs turned all this time. but on a whim i glance behind to see you were long gone- oh, we were still singing, just very different songs.

oh, tell me the truth. it can’t be as hard as they say, at least i know that it can’t hurt. oh, give me the truth; as clean and simple as it’s name. oh, tell me the truth and i’ll take the blame.

 

risky (unfinished song)

oh its only recently become clear to me how completely unprepared i am to even give a smile or hold your hand; oh, i’m lost.

why does this feel like the biggest risk i’ve ever met? when i haven’t even taken it yet. and oh i’m afraid i never will, oh i’m afraid that i never will.

why are your words in some foreign language i simply cannot understand no matter how many times, how many days and weeks and nights i’ve studied them.

oh why does this feel like the biggest risk i’ve ever met? when i haven’t even taken it yet. and oh i’m afraid, oh i’m afraid, oh i’m afraid i never will.