stay down (original song)

i learned how to touch the ground from the day that i was born. you learned how to fly instead, from the day that you were born. and “oh what a magical pair,” they say, “oh, they’ll complete each other one day, cause he’ll always come back and she can’t fly away.”

they say, they say: [the world looks bigger down here, and the clouds don’t really keep you down if you don’t think about it too much. its cold in the sky blue, and the birds look funny at you, oh it’s better to just stay down. it’s better to just stay down, stay down.]

we’d build castles high, we’d build palaces from the stones that you let go, and you tried so hard to show me how to release my grief. you told me how it felt to be high; to let the sun pull you up into the sky

but i never tried, no i never tried, i’d say: [the world looks bigger down here, and the clouds don’t really keep you down if you don’t think about it too much. its cold in the sky blue, and the birds look funny at you, oh it’s better to just stay down. it’s better to just stay down, stay down.]

oh, there’s monsters on the ground, there’s danger all around, but maybe it’s just in your brain. unlock the shadow gate and let them fly away, say all the things you didn’t say, cause:

[the world looks bigger up here, and the clouds don’t even keep you down if you don’t let the rain stop you. it’s warm in the sky blue and the birds fly with you, oh it’s better to not stay down, you better not just stay down, stay down.]

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what i never told you – 1/16

even though i know its wrong i miss the days of wanting you. i miss the start your smile gave me, miss the way your touch would make me second guess even more- but love can’t be forced.

and what i never told you is why you deserve the love i found but kept hidden. how deep my longing way, even though you couldn’t see it. how great your humor is, even when you don’t feel clever- and how much you mean to me, even though i knew you’d never agree. i never told you cause you never told me.

doors closing and time ticking, i always knew that it would end eventually, but i never thought it’d be so soon- no, not for you. and now we have a new definition, one yet to be put in words, because i don’t understand it. i don’t understand, oh

why i never told you why you deserve the love i found but kept hidden. how deep my longing way, even though you couldn’t see it. how great your humor is, even when you don’t feel clever- and how much you mean to me, even though i knew you’d never agree. i never told you cause you never told me.

how’d we end up in this space? i feel so out of place. why’d you bring me here anyway? it would have been fine if things stayed the same.

 

 

empty room

i’m too tired to fall asleep; all i can do is think about you and everything you said. oh, wasn’t everything you meant a lie?

now i see, who you were to me- it wasn’t true.

i’m still amazed at this wall that you’ve built up piece by piece to somehow draw them in, yet somehow still keep everyone from finding

who you are, oh i should have known it from the start- it wasn’t true.

how wrong of me to assume that there wasn’t anything but truth in your smiles, and how foolish of me to fall for what felt like belonging in your eyes.

oh now i see, all that i believed… (it wasn’t true). this concept off limits; i never thought we’d reach this point. i don’t know what i’m doing; i never thought we’d reach this point. you’re fading to black and i’m fading to blue, oh- i never thought it’d get so dark that i couldn’t see you.

(it’s in this quiet,

it’s in this silence,

it’s in this empty room).

risky

[recording on soundcloud]

oh it’s only recently become clear to me how completely unprepared i am to even give a smile or hold your hand- oh, i’m lost. why are your words in some foreign language that i simply cannot understand no matter how many times; how many days and weeks and nights i’ve studied them.

[oh and why does this feel like the biggest risk i’ve ever met, oh, when i haven’t taken it yet?
and oh, i’m afraid i never will. oh, i’m afraid i never will.]

how can you be in two different places at the very same time? i see you everyday in my heart and in my mind. what are all these answers, oh where are you hiding them? tell me, where do you go when you want to be alone, and where do you call home?

[oh and why does this feel like the biggest risk i’ve ever met, oh, when i haven’t taken it yet?
and oh, i’m afraid i never will. oh, i’m afraid i never will. oh, i’m afraid i never will.]

i once thought i knew

[recording on soundcloud]

there were days when nothing made me happier than seeing you, and there were nights when nothing that i tried brought me peace from seeing you.

but time has taken that all away. time has faded everything that i once thought i knew to be true.

all that i could see was what made sense to me, and even though we were so lost in the gray, i followed you. i always meant to ask, how’d you learn to smile like that and make all the bad, all the bad, go away?

as the days take longer, my memory of everything that’s gone grows fonder- but time has taken that all away. time has faded everything that i once thought i knew to be true: oh, time has taken you.

falling for familiarity

everything is better now, and no one can argue with that. each day is a new dawn, but the sun still sets in the west. the breeze from all these open doors before me bring me peace when i need it most.

so why am i here missing you?

why does something feel like it’s missing without you?

forgive and forget isn’t simple, especially when you did nothing wrong; i broke my heart with my own two hands. but something about your smile brought me back again and again for another taste of the idea of you.

predictable, repeating days, for what seemed like years on end. back then, i wouldn’t have changed a thing. i was falling for familiarity, and you were falling for nothing. now you’re free.

so why am i here missing you?

why does something feel like it’s missing without you?

 oh, it’s easier to pretend that i’m someone new, and you can no longer touch me. but once the lights go down, i’m still just a girl stuck in the world she filled with daydreams of your love; not wanting to admit that she’s still longing for your touch.

so why am i here missing you?

why does something feel like it’s missing without you?

will something always be missing without you?

goodbye

recording on soundcloud

i meant to say goodbye while i still had the time, but you weren’t ready for that- no, you weren’t ready yet. i meant to keep you close. no, i never meant to let you go so far away from where we were, and where we wanted to be- oh, i never meant to lose you. 

[but dry your eyes, oh i have said all my goodbyes years ago, back when i still knew the words. time is time and it goes by all on it’s own so why can’t we? why can’t we let go? oh, why can’t we? why can’t we?]

that familiar sense of home like a song you used to know. but you’ve forgotten since then, and it feels strange listening again. hot concrete beneath your toes; the smell of flowers ‘neath your nose will bring it all back to you, if you try hard enough it might come true. oh, i never meant to lose you.

[but dry your eyes, oh i have said all my goodbyes years ago, back when i still knew the words. time is time and it goes by all on it’s own so why can’t we? why can’t we let go? oh, why can’t we? why can’t we?]

don’t let it fall, don’t let it hit the ground. i feel much safer down here. don’t let them in, don’t let them hear a sound. i feel much safer down here.

[but dry your eyes, oh i have said all my goodbyes years ago, back when i still knew the words. time is time and it goes by all on it’s own so why can’t we? why can’t we let go? oh, why can’t we? why can’t we?]