empty room

i’m too tired to fall asleep; all i can do is think about you and everything you said. oh, wasn’t everything you meant a lie?

now i see, who you were to me- it wasn’t true.

i’m still amazed at this wall that you’ve built up piece by piece to somehow draw them in, yet somehow still keep everyone from finding

who you are, oh i should have known it from the start- it wasn’t true.

how wrong of me to assume that there wasn’t anything but truth in your smiles, and how foolish of me to fall for what felt like belonging in your eyes.

oh now i see, all that i believed… (it wasn’t true). this concept off limits; i never thought we’d reach this point. i don’t know what i’m doing; i never thought we’d reach this point. you’re fading to black and i’m fading to blue, oh- i never thought it’d get so dark that i couldn’t see you.

(it’s in this quiet,

it’s in this silence,

it’s in this empty room).

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risky

[recording on soundcloud]

oh it’s only recently become clear to me how completely unprepared i am to even give a smile or hold your hand- oh, i’m lost. why are your words in some foreign language that i simply cannot understand no matter how many times; how many days and weeks and nights i’ve studied them.

[oh and why does this feel like the biggest risk i’ve ever met, oh, when i haven’t taken it yet?
and oh, i’m afraid i never will. oh, i’m afraid i never will.]

how can you be in two different places at the very same time? i see you everyday in my heart and in my mind. what are all these answers, oh where are you hiding them? tell me, where do you go when you want to be alone, and where do you call home?

[oh and why does this feel like the biggest risk i’ve ever met, oh, when i haven’t taken it yet?
and oh, i’m afraid i never will. oh, i’m afraid i never will. oh, i’m afraid i never will.]

i once thought i knew

[recording on soundcloud]

there were days when nothing made me happier than seeing you, and there were nights when nothing that i tried brought me peace from seeing you.

but time has taken that all away. time has faded everything that i once thought i knew to be true.

all that i could see was what made sense to me, and even though we were so lost in the gray, i followed you. i always meant to ask, how’d you learn to smile like that and make all the bad, all the bad, go away?

as the days take longer, my memory of everything that’s gone grows fonder- but time has taken that all away. time has faded everything that i once thought i knew to be true: oh, time has taken you.

alleluia

sometimes it’s hard to find a place to hide in all this mess i made, but i just have to remember that i can look to you, and you will shield me from the rain. it can get a little bit dark when you’re standing here on the ground, and it can be a little bit hard to see you and wish to be found.

lead me, alleluia, show me, alleluia. teach me, alleluia, save me, alleluia, alleluia. 

i’ve lost sight of you because i’m always searching behind me for a demon on my back, hoping i can blame him, for i am soaked in sin just waiting for the flames to attack. but i still know your love is great because you gave up for us your one and only son, and i still know my sins are prepaid in the blood of your pure and holy one.

lead me, alleluia, show me, alleluia. teach me, alleluia, save me, alleluia, alleluia. 

i give you my whole heart, because it’s already yours. take away what i could stand to gain, with your love i could never ask for more.

lead me, alleluia, show me, alleluia. teach me, alleluia, save me, alleluia, alleluia. 

Ache (unfinished)

stop giving me ideas of love that won’t come true. it really hurts to know it’s never going to happen, and it hurts even more that i still hope it will.

you make me ache with smiles and fleeting glances. you make me sore with wanting for things i have no chance with. you need to stop right now, you need to stop right there, cause you are just too cute to bear. 

falling for familiarity

everything is better now, and no one can argue with that. each day is a new dawn, but the sun still sets in the west. the breeze from all these open doors before me bring me peace when i need it most.

so why am i here missing you?

why does something feel like it’s missing without you?

forgive and forget isn’t simple, especially when you did nothing wrong; i broke my heart with my own two hands. but something about your smile brought me back again and again for another taste of the idea of you.

predictable, repeating days, for what seemed like years on end. back then, i wouldn’t have changed a thing. i was falling for familiarity, and you were falling for nothing. now you’re free.

so why am i here missing you?

why does something feel like it’s missing without you?

 oh, it’s easier to pretend that i’m someone new, and you can no longer touch me. but once the lights go down, i’m still just a girl stuck in the world she filled with daydreams of your love; not wanting to admit that she’s still longing for your touch.

so why am i here missing you?

why does something feel like it’s missing without you?

will something always be missing without you?

i still think about you now

it started out like all the rest: a tiny hitch inside my chest. but you had them beat for sure- no, none of them had brown eyes like yours. i gave in and started watching your favorite show, something i never thought i’d do. to tell the truth it hurts a little bit, cause all the jokes remind me of you.

[and i wanted you to know i still think about you now. but don’t worry if you’ve forgotten, it doesn’t matter anyhow.]

i could’ve sworn you thought the same; endless words running through your mind. i didn’t have time to listen in, no, i could barely keep track of mine. it’s all in a haze, everything from that fleeting half a year, but laughing with you and how it felt, oh that’s all that i’m still seeing clear.

[and i wanted you to know i still think about you now. but don’t worry if you’ve forgotten, it doesn’t matter anyhow. thinking about seeing you only brings me down, cause it was all better when you were around.]

and if you’re hearing this, please don’t take it the wrong way. this is only all i didn’t get to say. maybe this time i’ll have the chance to say it to your face and see you smile again. 

[and i wanted you to know i still think about you now. but don’t worry if you’ve forgotten, it doesn’t matter anyhow. thinking about seeing you only brings me down, cause it was all better when you were around. oh, it was all better when you were around; and i still think about you now.]