this place – 11/21/17

on sun-baked earth, the moss hides at the edges

under this wide-brimmed canopy, a luscious effervescence.

echoings of song bird calls are fading through the leaves,

soft like water left from rain, falling from the trees.

the wind may carry on its tide, woven in, a floating memory

your eyes may close a moment to try and grasp it with your thoughts

but the branches shutter and clack in the greenery above

and the memory slips away as you breathe out a sigh.

its as if you are the only one to ever stand

in this place

but you know that can’t be true, as the ground is packed and hard

you are just like all the others who found themselves

in this place

alone but for a moment, held captive in the space.

the air is clean and fills your lungs like water, overwhelmingly

the light above warms your skin, and slowly still, but suddenly

you feel as though you’ve left behind the doubts that won’t give up the chase-

and know that where you are is where you should be

in this place.

 

 

 

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9/17

i am here. right now, we

i am here. the grass is green

and strong with its many summer

memories, whispering blades of

stories to each other as i listen.

the trees above are peaceful in the

friendship they provide;

overseeing younger beings

as we grow and shift

upon the ground.

the sun is shining still

and she’s been out all day.

the rays of her smile on my face

as gentle as a kiss-

i know that i am here.

right now,

when the sun and day and time align-

and suddenly, everything is bright.

3/25

it rained again last night- surrounding us all with a humid cloud. the fog of summers spring brought the thawing thoughts into my mind. it’s strange to see you on the horizon; a distant, shimmering mirage. are you simply a trick of the eye? i always second guess, check my watch, and when i squint into the sun again i can’t see you anymore.

The Man at the Bar

[old soundcloud recording]

everyone gets a little bit crazy. the lights, these lights turn hazy, and i lose my way again.

can i trust the man at the bar? or the one who’s watching from afar? 

can i trust him, mama?  trust him with my heart? 

the years had passed, and so had our childhood. he asked to meet me in the backyard, he said: “nothing that started out this easy should be this hard.”

should i trust him, mama? trust him with my heart? 

oh, i never learned how this goes. am i the only one who doesn’t know? i’ll let him teach me, show me the ropes, we can jump.

should i trust him, mama? can i trust him, mama? trust him with my heart? oh, show me how to start; trust him with my heart. 

falling for familiarity

everything is better now, and no one can argue with that. each day is a new dawn, but the sun still sets in the west. the breeze from all these open doors before me bring me peace when i need it most.

so why am i here missing you?

why does something feel like it’s missing without you?

forgive and forget isn’t simple, especially when you did nothing wrong; i broke my heart with my own two hands. but something about your smile brought me back again and again for another taste of the idea of you.

predictable, repeating days, for what seemed like years on end. back then, i wouldn’t have changed a thing. i was falling for familiarity, and you were falling for nothing. now you’re free.

so why am i here missing you?

why does something feel like it’s missing without you?

 oh, it’s easier to pretend that i’m someone new, and you can no longer touch me. but once the lights go down, i’m still just a girl stuck in the world she filled with daydreams of your love; not wanting to admit that she’s still longing for your touch.

so why am i here missing you?

why does something feel like it’s missing without you?

will something always be missing without you?

forgive & forget

(this song is from the point of view of one of the main characters of the book that i am co-writing with my bff).

staring at the walls and ceilings. old white paint is peeling. don’t have room for all these feelings, no, two’s already a crowd. i can feel it crumbling: what you always thought was something. i won’t apologize for nothin’, no, i won’t make a sound.

[i know that i messed it all up. a ‘cure’ is not the way to be looking for love.]

empty voices, oh their screaming, that i don’t know what i’m thinking. trust me, oh, i do believe them, but i can’t turn back now. leave me behind, leave me falling. better me than if we’re all in. cause i’ve always been missing something: standing on solid ground.

[i know that i messed it all up. a ‘cure’ is not the way to be looking for love. i’m sorry, i tried, but it wasn’t enough. maybe one day on behalf of me, you can forgive and forget everything. could you forgive and forget everything. you can forgive and forget everything.]