3/31

all along i knew i was only fooling myself, and here i am again, coming face to face with the reality. i knew you couldn’t feel for me; i knew that much was true. but now that i’ve heard you say the words i don’t know what to do.

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falling for familiarity

everything is better now, and no one can argue with that. each day is a new dawn, but the sun still sets in the west. the breeze from all these open doors before me bring me peace when i need it most.

so why am i here missing you?

why does something feel like it’s missing without you?

forgive and forget isn’t simple, especially when you did nothing wrong; i broke my heart with my own two hands. but something about your smile brought me back again and again for another taste of the idea of you.

predictable, repeating days, for what seemed like years on end. back then, i wouldn’t have changed a thing. i was falling for familiarity, and you were falling for nothing. now you’re free.

so why am i here missing you?

why does something feel like it’s missing without you?

 oh, it’s easier to pretend that i’m someone new, and you can no longer touch me. but once the lights go down, i’m still just a girl stuck in the world she filled with daydreams of your love; not wanting to admit that she’s still longing for your touch.

so why am i here missing you?

why does something feel like it’s missing without you?

will something always be missing without you?

nothing could be worse

[recording on soundcloud]

the sun was shining on that day- when you first called my name. i could say anything and you’d stay and stay and stay. i wasn’t afraid of losing you at all, but it’s always what we love the most that falls.

[is it true? is it true? did you really leave me just for this? and is it worth it? tell me, is it worth it? is it worth my happy smile and our kiss? cause that’s what i miss the most, as well as you.]

you always knew just what to say to make the rain, rain go away. you always knew what to do to make me fall into you. and it was always the same, but i, i wouldn’t change a thing. except for maybe how you were always changing your mind.

[is it true? is it true? did you really leave me just for this? and is it worth it? tell me, is it worth it? is it worth my happy smile and our kiss? cause that’s what i miss the most, as well as you.]

and i know you’ve never been good with your words, but that don’t mean that they won’t hurt. cause nothing, nothing could be worse- oh nothing, nothing could be worse than what you’re keeping from me. nothing, nothing could be worse than what you’re keeping from me.

[is it true? is true? did you really leave just for this?]

little did i know

[rough recording on soundcloud]

little did i know, the closer we did grow only pushed us farther apart. the streetlights and the snow have nothing more to say, and it’s the hardest part.
i thought this was the end, i thought i could depend on you.
swaying in the breeze, the bumblebees and trees are witness to our peace. it still attacks me now; the wondering why and how you left it all in pieces.
i thought this was the end, i thought i could depend on you.

i was blinded by your loving mistakes, i was enticed by your wordless games, i don’t know how to go on from here; i thought you were it for me.

i thought this was the end, i thought i could depend on you.

Casualties

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she let the words fly out of her mouth like bullets; not for a rage lurking inside her chest, but to ease the ache of her heart.

“I can only give so much! Why don’t you ever return my love?”

he stood and took every shot as if they didn’t break him; but closely you could see the fading in his eyes.

“I thought I gave you all you wanted; I gave you all I could.”

“Well, it wasn’t- it wasn’t good enough.”

four words came between them and seemed more like a mile; he knew it and remembered how she looked when she would smile.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she admitted to the air.

eventually they left; went on like there was nothing ever there.

Not Up To Me (unfinished)

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lately, i’ve been searching for an escape from this hopeless mess of everything i made. but is it hopeless just to hope that even though i’m really lost, to you i’m not just a lost cause? ‘cuz lately, i’ve been a little stuck on how you smile and maybe with a little luck i can finally tell you all the little things that i’ve been saving up.

lift me from the ground, take me to a place where i know that i will be found.

the distance; it only grows farther the closer that i get to you. the talking; it only gets harder the more that i try to.

if i was yours, and you were mine, we’d drive too fast- waste all our time. i’d call you on the lonely nights just to hear your voice and know that it’s alright. you’d pull me close; hold me in your arms, just to keep us from anything that might harm the one you love-

the one you love, the one you love.

but it’s not up to me.