your ex-girlfriend

i know her face now

i know who she is – who she was

in fact i’ve known for a long time now

and it was so long ago i found out in the first place

and all my vicious energy was focused on her face-

but that was before i knew;

thus, her face a blueish hue

her eyes filled up with you

and her heart was swollen too.

her hair, most likely long and sleek

her body thin and soft to touch

i knew that you liked her so much –

i didn’t want to see her face.

i didn’t want to see how different hers might be

from mine.

hers, surely sharped and edged

her skin smooth and radiant

her smile, one that made you smile-

no, i didn’t want to see her face.

and now that  i know (though then i knew), it only makes me think of you.

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afternoon shadow – 12/6/17

damn you for taking my memories

for putting your face into every dream i have

for finding belonging in all the songs i hear.

you’ve grabbed everything i love and shoved it into your closet; you’ve dog-earred the pages, you’ve worn out the CD’s, you’ve torn the edges

now the sign of you is too obvious to ignore-

everything is changed.

damn you

for still taking my mind

for using my time

to think thoughts about you.

and it’s not that i love you anymore

but that you wove yourself so deeply

into my life, my mind, my heart

that i am not free of you.

you’re like a shadow

in the afternoon.

this place – 11/21/17

on sun-baked earth, the moss hides at the edges

under this wide-brimmed canopy, a luscious effervescence.

echoings of song bird calls are fading through the leaves,

soft like water left from rain, falling from the trees.

the wind may carry on its tide, woven in, a floating memory

your eyes may close a moment to try and grasp it with your thoughts

but the branches shutter and clack in the greenery above

and the memory slips away as you breathe out a sigh.

its as if you are the only one to ever stand

in this place

but you know that can’t be true, as the ground is packed and hard

you are just like all the others who found themselves

in this place

alone but for a moment, held captive in the space.

the air is clean and fills your lungs like water, overwhelmingly

the light above warms your skin, and slowly still, but suddenly

you feel as though you’ve left behind the doubts that won’t give up the chase-

and know that where you are is where you should be

in this place.

 

 

 

6/17

the place where i was is still where i am, but i am someone new (or at least i want to believe i am).

some days i heart the whispers of you on the breeze past my ears but i don’t listen. other days you’re like a soothing background buzz

and i lean in to the familiar hum of your presence.

most days, however, i don’t feel you at all-

i haven’t decided yet if that’s good or bad. after so many years of you holding my happiness in your hands, it feels a little cold without their grasp around me.

now you’re gone, but i’m still here

and i’d like to say i’ve moved on.