7/2/2017 (not even for a second)

i keep checking my phone, hoping to see your name on the screen. i don’t know why; each time i’m only disappointed again.

i keep thinking of you, though i know that i shouldn’t. if even i can’t understand it, than what’s the use in worrying? but

i keep wondering what could happen, if somehow it were true. but then, again, i see you, and i know you wouldn’t do

what it is they say you would, no not even for a second. but do i really know you as well as i think? could you surprise me still, even after all this time? i feel like i’ve been reaching for so long with no response; falling back down to the start each time (and time) again-

but i wouldn’t change it for the world, no not even for a second. no, i wouldn’t give you up (no, not even for a second).

Advertisements

risky

[recording on soundcloud]

oh it’s only recently become clear to me how completely unprepared i am to even give a smile or hold your hand- oh, i’m lost. why are your words in some foreign language that i simply cannot understand no matter how many times; how many days and weeks and nights i’ve studied them.

[oh and why does this feel like the biggest risk i’ve ever met, oh, when i haven’t taken it yet?
and oh, i’m afraid i never will. oh, i’m afraid i never will.]

how can you be in two different places at the very same time? i see you everyday in my heart and in my mind. what are all these answers, oh where are you hiding them? tell me, where do you go when you want to be alone, and where do you call home?

[oh and why does this feel like the biggest risk i’ve ever met, oh, when i haven’t taken it yet?
and oh, i’m afraid i never will. oh, i’m afraid i never will. oh, i’m afraid i never will.]

i once thought i knew

[recording on soundcloud]

there were days when nothing made me happier than seeing you, and there were nights when nothing that i tried brought me peace from seeing you.

but time has taken that all away. time has faded everything that i once thought i knew to be true.

all that i could see was what made sense to me, and even though we were so lost in the gray, i followed you. i always meant to ask, how’d you learn to smile like that and make all the bad, all the bad, go away?

as the days take longer, my memory of everything that’s gone grows fonder- but time has taken that all away. time has faded everything that i once thought i knew to be true: oh, time has taken you.

i’ll take the blame (unfinished song)

empty words come easier than the real ones- maybe that’s why the cost is cheap. but just like me they’re not as strong, no, they can’t hold the weight of what i mean.

oh, tell me the truth. it can’t be as hard as they say, at least i know that it can’t hurt. oh, give me the truth; as clean and simple as it’s name. oh, tell me the truth and i’ll take the blame.

it’s been so long since we both looked up and saw that big old moon shining bright. all too soon, we’d be seeing different skies; had our backs turned all this time. but on a whim i glance behind to see you were long gone- oh, we were still singing, just very different songs.

oh, tell me the truth. it can’t be as hard as they say, at least i know that it can’t hurt. oh, give me the truth; as clean and simple as it’s name. oh, tell me the truth and i’ll take the blame.

 

risky (unfinished song)

oh its only recently become clear to me how completely unprepared i am to even give a smile or hold your hand; oh, i’m lost.

why does this feel like the biggest risk i’ve ever met? when i haven’t even taken it yet. and oh i’m afraid i never will, oh i’m afraid that i never will.

why are your words in some foreign language i simply cannot understand no matter how many times, how many days and weeks and nights i’ve studied them.

oh why does this feel like the biggest risk i’ve ever met? when i haven’t even taken it yet. and oh i’m afraid, oh i’m afraid, oh i’m afraid i never will.

the river

river flowing, tumbling down-

mumbling, rumbling- whispering

of things long since forgotten now, of all the things that you once told me.

stream and creek with water clean, tell me all the words you know

reflected on the rocks, the sand, the tiny fish, the toads.

many times i’ve sat upon a rock and listened to your flowing phrase:

endless words for all to hear and yet you never take a breath-

no other song or poetry can wash such peace across my chest.

i hear your voice from half a mile: gently you call to me-

mumbling, rumbling- whispering,

of all the things that you have seen.

almost gone (unfinished song)

the rain is falling, and the porch lights off. the night is humming it’s summer song. oh, i’d always dreamed of moments like this but never realized their impermanence.

oh, the moon’s almost gone. oh, the moon’s almost gone.

you asked her a question once, and she’ll never forget the clear look in your eyes as it tumbled from your lips. she thought, ‘oh, there’s no way a night could be more perfect than this’,

but oh, the moons almost gone. oh, the moon’s almost gone. oh, the moon’s almost gone- and suddenly almost gone isn’t too far off.

3/25

it rained again last night- surrounding us all with a humid cloud. the fog of summers spring brought the thawing thoughts into my mind. it’s strange to see you on the horizon; a distant, shimmering mirage. are you simply a trick of the eye? i always second guess, check my watch, and when i squint into the sun again i can’t see you anymore.