9/16

how long had it been? too long, my mind decided

but too recent to forget the way the moments slid around me

like rain off an umbrella.

there’s something unforgettable about going through the motions;

things that used to bring the light only cast a shadow of indifference.

and i didn’t like it. but there was nothing i could change.

my socks were soggy with the moments that my brain had missed-

but they collected in my shoes

making each step forward feel like the first upon a mountain.

alleluia

sometimes it’s hard to find a place to hide in all this mess i made, but i just have to remember that i can look to you, and you will shield me from the rain. it can get a little bit dark when you’re standing here on the ground, and it can be a little bit hard to see you and wish to be found.

lead me, alleluia, show me, alleluia. teach me, alleluia, save me, alleluia, alleluia. 

i’ve lost sight of you because i’m always searching behind me for a demon on my back, hoping i can blame him, for i am soaked in sin just waiting for the flames to attack. but i still know your love is great because you gave up for us your one and only son, and i still know my sins are prepaid in the blood of your pure and holy one.

lead me, alleluia, show me, alleluia. teach me, alleluia, save me, alleluia, alleluia. 

i give you my whole heart, because it’s already yours. take away what i could stand to gain, with your love i could never ask for more.

lead me, alleluia, show me, alleluia. teach me, alleluia, save me, alleluia, alleluia. 

Ache (unfinished)

stop giving me ideas of love that won’t come true. it really hurts to know it’s never going to happen, and it hurts even more that i still hope it will.

you make me ache with smiles and fleeting glances. you make me sore with wanting for things i have no chance with. you need to stop right now, you need to stop right there, cause you are just too cute to bear. 

Lemons & Limes

[soundcloud recording]

lemons and limes, time after time, you lie and you lie, you do. oh, apples and plums, where’d this hate come from? you gave me so much reason to. maybe the reason that i can’t come clean is that you’re standing right here next to me.

if i could speak my mind i’d shout it out, if i was not tongue tied i’d yell it loud: you are the most annoying, pesky, and despicable man that i have ever met. you are the worst of all, the least of all, maniacal man that i have ever let make me feel this way- and i’m loving it, and you.

lemons and limes, fight after fight, you smile and you smile, you do. oh, apples and plums, where’d this love come from? you promised yourself not to. maybe the reason that you can’t come clean is that you’re standing right here next to me.

if you could speak your mind you’d shout it out, if you were not tongue tied you’d yell it loud: i am the most confusing, fascinating, beautiful girl that you have ever met. i am the best of all, the last of all, captivating girl that you have ever let make you feel this way and you’re loving it and me.

maybe i can fall asleep, you reach over quietly; nobody ever has to know. make your fingers crawl to mine, we can let them intertwine; it doesn’t mean anything more.

if i could speak my mind i’d shout it out, if i was not tongue tied i’d yell it loud: you are the most annoying, pesky, and despicable man that i have ever met. you are the worst of all, the least of all, maniacal man that i have ever let make me feel this way- and i’m loving it, and you.

The Man at the Bar

[old soundcloud recording]

everyone gets a little bit crazy. the lights, these lights turn hazy, and i lose my way again.

can i trust the man at the bar? or the one who’s watching from afar? 

can i trust him, mama?  trust him with my heart? 

the years had passed, and so had our childhood. he asked to meet me in the backyard, he said: “nothing that started out this easy should be this hard.”

should i trust him, mama? trust him with my heart? 

oh, i never learned how this goes. am i the only one who doesn’t know? i’ll let him teach me, show me the ropes, we can jump.

should i trust him, mama? can i trust him, mama? trust him with my heart? oh, show me how to start; trust him with my heart. 

falling for familiarity

everything is better now, and no one can argue with that. each day is a new dawn, but the sun still sets in the west. the breeze from all these open doors before me bring me peace when i need it most.

so why am i here missing you?

why does something feel like it’s missing without you?

forgive and forget isn’t simple, especially when you did nothing wrong; i broke my heart with my own two hands. but something about your smile brought me back again and again for another taste of the idea of you.

predictable, repeating days, for what seemed like years on end. back then, i wouldn’t have changed a thing. i was falling for familiarity, and you were falling for nothing. now you’re free.

so why am i here missing you?

why does something feel like it’s missing without you?

 oh, it’s easier to pretend that i’m someone new, and you can no longer touch me. but once the lights go down, i’m still just a girl stuck in the world she filled with daydreams of your love; not wanting to admit that she’s still longing for your touch.

so why am i here missing you?

why does something feel like it’s missing without you?

will something always be missing without you?

without (unfinished song)

empty skeleton, bark skin hides whats within; inside and out. the wind has stolen them, all your colorful friends, now you’re left without.

the sun sets, the streetlights, obey the rules and flicker to life, the shadows fill with doubt. the alleyways, corners of your mind, the brick streets, keeping you down, now you’re left without.

don’t you know how it feels to regret everything, to wish that you never left, and to wish that you had gone. oh, don’t you know how it feels to finally be validated in what you never let yourself believed in, but its too late; oh you’re too late somehow, and now you’ll go without.