you stand, statuesque
your hands across your chest
prepared to impart upon your audience
your latest high-brow mystery
you speak with renewed
your arrogance like coal
in the furnace of your chest
sputtering black clouds of truths and lies
you believe you were the first to find, but
you’ve lost your sunshine glow
and now you only stand still, shivering
in the gray shadow of
and after all these days, still
you’re like a subway train
you rattle through my thoughts
on the hour every day
and i cannot get away;
as you tumble past too fast
or trace back to the start
you’ve so woven a routine
in the railways of my mind, now
i’ve grown accustomed to the hum
of thoughts of you passing by.
the place where i was is still where i am, but i am someone new (or at least i want to believe i am).
some days i heart the whispers of you on the breeze past my ears but i don’t listen. other days you’re like a soothing background buzz
and i lean in to the familiar hum of your presence.
most days, however, i don’t feel you at all-
i haven’t decided yet if that’s good or bad. after so many years of you holding my happiness in your hands, it feels a little cold without their grasp around me.
now you’re gone, but i’m still here
and i’d like to say i’ve moved on.
i used to feel blessed just to be in your company. everything you set eyes on was holy ground to me, but now that you’ve turned your back and i’ve grown up i see that holy ground is just cobblestones ‘neath my feet.
all along i knew i was only fooling myself, and here i am again, coming face to face with the reality. i knew you couldn’t feel for me; i knew that much was true. but now that i’ve heard you say the words i don’t know what to do.
how long had it been? too long, my mind decided
but too recent to forget the way the moments slid around me
like rain off an umbrella.
there’s something unforgettable about going through the motions;
things that used to bring the light only cast a shadow of indifference.
and i didn’t like it. but there was nothing i could change.
my socks were soggy with the moments that my brain had missed-
but they collected in my shoes
making each step forward feel like the first upon a mountain.