stay down (original song)

i learned how to touch the ground from the day that i was born. you learned how to fly instead, from the day that you were born. and “oh what a magical pair,” they say, “oh, they’ll complete each other one day, cause he’ll always come back and she can’t fly away.”

they say, they say: [the world looks bigger down here, and the clouds don’t really keep you down if you don’t think about it too much. its cold in the sky blue, and the birds look funny at you, oh it’s better to just stay down. it’s better to just stay down, stay down.]

we’d build castles high, we’d build palaces from the stones that you let go, and you tried so hard to show me how to release my grief. you told me how it felt to be high; to let the sun pull you up into the sky

but i never tried, no i never tried, i’d say: [the world looks bigger down here, and the clouds don’t really keep you down if you don’t think about it too much. its cold in the sky blue, and the birds look funny at you, oh it’s better to just stay down. it’s better to just stay down, stay down.]

oh, there’s monsters on the ground, there’s danger all around, but maybe it’s just in your brain. unlock the shadow gate and let them fly away, say all the things you didn’t say, cause:

[the world looks bigger up here, and the clouds don’t even keep you down if you don’t let the rain stop you. it’s warm in the sky blue and the birds fly with you, oh it’s better to not stay down, you better not just stay down, stay down.]

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brick street – unfinished song – 8/17

i used to feel blessed just to be in your company. everything you set eyes on was holy ground to me, but now that you’ve turned your back and i’ve grown up i see that holy ground is just cobblestones ‘neath my feet.

what i never told you – 1/16

even though i know its wrong i miss the days of wanting you. i miss the start your smile gave me, miss the way your touch would make me second guess even more- but love can’t be forced.

and what i never told you is why you deserve the love i found but kept hidden. how deep my longing way, even though you couldn’t see it. how great your humor is, even when you don’t feel clever- and how much you mean to me, even though i knew you’d never agree. i never told you cause you never told me.

doors closing and time ticking, i always knew that it would end eventually, but i never thought it’d be so soon- no, not for you. and now we have a new definition, one yet to be put in words, because i don’t understand it. i don’t understand, oh

why i never told you why you deserve the love i found but kept hidden. how deep my longing way, even though you couldn’t see it. how great your humor is, even when you don’t feel clever- and how much you mean to me, even though i knew you’d never agree. i never told you cause you never told me.

how’d we end up in this space? i feel so out of place. why’d you bring me here anyway? it would have been fine if things stayed the same.

 

 

chicago in the fall

[recording on SoundCloud]

when all your colors change, summers turned your stone face gray, overgrown with leaves. oh, i know how it feels to be walked on day after day. oh, the train’s leaving again.
when all your colors fade, whats left but to trade everything for a ticket to anywhere else? oh that’s what they all say, but day after day, the train’s leaving again. oh, the train’s leaving.

[chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. the yellow leaves beneath my feet, they ease the hurting. chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. you never ask for nothing in return; i’ll be returning in the fall.]

everyone is in their place. the space for space disappears as the time goes on. the clock ticks it tongue in shame; oh, you’ve spent it all away, day after day. and the train’s leaving again. oh, the train’s leaving.

[chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. the yellow leaves beneath my feet, they ease the hurting. chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. you never ask for nothing in return; i’ll be returning in the fall.]

how do these old streets sound? did you get to say goodbye? did you leave it all behind? there’s always one more life that you can barely see through closed eyes, but you try, and you’re always missing it, cause the train’s leaving. oh, the train’s leaving.

[chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. the yellow leaves beneath my feet, they ease the hurting. chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. you never ask for nothing in return; i’ll be returning in the fall.]

this storm (song) – 11/1/17

the sky is green, the clouds hang heavy over everything. the air is mean; i feel the sting of everything,

everything that you said before you called this storm over me.

it’s bittersweet how all these memories have taken on the smoke from the wildfires. the fields burned quick, but they left behind the trees, standing tall for all that they believe.

well i stood there, as you covered me in flame, until this rain came over me. until this rain poured over me. until this storm passed over me.

i’ve seen it all before. we’ve all heard the thunderstorms, but if you happen to find yourself beneath a cloud, by all means, stay

and let the rain wash it all away. let the rain wash away your pain. let the rain wash it all away.

empty room

i’m too tired to fall asleep; all i can do is think about you and everything you said. oh, wasn’t everything you meant a lie?

now i see, who you were to me- it wasn’t true.

i’m still amazed at this wall that you’ve built up piece by piece to somehow draw them in, yet somehow still keep everyone from finding

who you are, oh i should have known it from the start- it wasn’t true.

how wrong of me to assume that there wasn’t anything but truth in your smiles, and how foolish of me to fall for what felt like belonging in your eyes.

oh now i see, all that i believed… (it wasn’t true). this concept off limits; i never thought we’d reach this point. i don’t know what i’m doing; i never thought we’d reach this point. you’re fading to black and i’m fading to blue, oh- i never thought it’d get so dark that i couldn’t see you.

(it’s in this quiet,

it’s in this silence,

it’s in this empty room).

risky

[recording on soundcloud]

oh it’s only recently become clear to me how completely unprepared i am to even give a smile or hold your hand- oh, i’m lost. why are your words in some foreign language that i simply cannot understand no matter how many times; how many days and weeks and nights i’ve studied them.

[oh and why does this feel like the biggest risk i’ve ever met, oh, when i haven’t taken it yet?
and oh, i’m afraid i never will. oh, i’m afraid i never will.]

how can you be in two different places at the very same time? i see you everyday in my heart and in my mind. what are all these answers, oh where are you hiding them? tell me, where do you go when you want to be alone, and where do you call home?

[oh and why does this feel like the biggest risk i’ve ever met, oh, when i haven’t taken it yet?
and oh, i’m afraid i never will. oh, i’m afraid i never will. oh, i’m afraid i never will.]