i still can’t believe that for a moment i believed
and now i’m here, just in time to see it all again. but now its new, and i’ll always be wondering, if i had acted first, would i be standing in her place?
i can see you doing everything with her, all the things i always thought we’d do
i can see you holding her and smiling with your eyes, while the daydreams that played in my mind, once in burning red and pink, are roughly shadowed out with gray:
my hands running through your hair, so soft i can almost feel it
your presence closer still than i have ever known it.
the memories that we would share, i built them brick by brick. tall and wide my tower of lies towers over me
and no one is here to see it cover me and
well, this is probably a blessing in disguise (don’t i know it), oh block me from the world for just a few more fleeting moments
it’s all that i’ve been searching for these past few months of warfare, but God i never thought these bricks would be this heavy-
on my chest. my lungs are struggling to bring air in and out again, yes i can feel the panic setting in as brick by brick falls into place
my thoughts alone filling up the space, quickly
catching up this chase that i’ve been running for so long:
my worst fears
but didn’t i already know? yes, of course, but still- i even knew way long ago but hope was bright enough to keep this creeping darkness at bay, oh i thought you’d stay? how did i ever believe in that?
i thought you’d say all the things that i’d always dreamed you had
i thought you cared- for just one moment i swore you did
but here we are, my heart enclosed anew:
you are happy,
and i am a fool.