i wish i was a grasshopper

i wish i was a grasshopper

lying in the sun,

camouflaging in the leaves

and hopping just for fun.

to feel the wind beneath my wings as i stretch and leap,

and to fill the silent summer nights with every song i sing.

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9/12

what is most unsettling is that i don’t understand

why i ever cared so much anyway.

was it just that you were nice and knew how to make me laugh?

because i’m having trouble thinking of a reason besides that.

and it’s not just to be spiteful, it’s to get some peace of mind.

(usually i understand all my reasons why),

but with you i guess i had none- which is most unsettling.

i am older, but still young

i am older, but still young. i’m unsure of where i’m from, of what has shaped me, what has changed me, and who i will become.

it seems like everyday i discover something new. so much is expected but there’s so much still to do.

and don’t even get me started on emotions, those i haven’t figured out. but feeling immature for feeling, overthinking every time, and constant over-reactions are specialties of mine.

it’s like i am a planet with two hemispheres, but only one knows where it’s headed. one has all the secrets, all the answers, turning steady, while the other is still daydreaming and gazing out to space with gleaming, awestruck eyes, and a grin across it’s face.