afternoon shadow – 12/6/17

damn you for taking my memories

for putting your face into every dream i have

for finding belonging in all the songs i hear.

you’ve grabbed everything i love and shoved it into your closet; you’ve dog-earred the pages, you’ve worn out the CD’s, you’ve torn the edges

now the sign of you is too obvious to ignore-

everything is changed.

damn you

for still taking my mind

for using my time

to think thoughts about you.

and it’s not that i love you anymore

but that you wove yourself so deeply

into my life, my mind, my heart

that i am not free of you.

you’re like a shadow

in the afternoon.

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this place – 11/21/17

on sun-baked earth, the moss hides at the edges

under this wide-brimmed canopy, a luscious effervescence.

echoings of song bird calls are fading through the leaves,

soft like water left from rain, falling from the trees.

the wind may carry on its tide, woven in, a floating memory

your eyes may close a moment to try and grasp it with your thoughts

but the branches shutter and clack in the greenery above

and the memory slips away as you breathe out a sigh.

its as if you are the only one to ever stand

in this place

but you know that can’t be true, as the ground is packed and hard

you are just like all the others who found themselves

in this place

alone but for a moment, held captive in the space.

the air is clean and fills your lungs like water, overwhelmingly

the light above warms your skin, and slowly still, but suddenly

you feel as though you’ve left behind the doubts that won’t give up the chase-

and know that where you are is where you should be

in this place.

 

 

 

6/17

the place where i was is still where i am, but i am someone new (or at least i want to believe i am).

some days i heart the whispers of you on the breeze past my ears but i don’t listen. other days you’re like a soothing background buzz

and i lean in to the familiar hum of your presence.

most days, however, i don’t feel you at all-

i haven’t decided yet if that’s good or bad. after so many years of you holding my happiness in your hands, it feels a little cold without their grasp around me.

now you’re gone, but i’m still here

and i’d like to say i’ve moved on.

what i never told you – 1/16

even though i know its wrong i miss the days of wanting you. i miss the start your smile gave me, miss the way your touch would make me second guess even more- but love can’t be forced.

and what i never told you is why you deserve the love i found but kept hidden. how deep my longing way, even though you couldn’t see it. how great your humor is, even when you don’t feel clever- and how much you mean to me, even though i knew you’d never agree. i never told you cause you never told me.

doors closing and time ticking, i always knew that it would end eventually, but i never thought it’d be so soon- no, not for you. and now we have a new definition, one yet to be put in words, because i don’t understand it. i don’t understand, oh

why i never told you why you deserve the love i found but kept hidden. how deep my longing way, even though you couldn’t see it. how great your humor is, even when you don’t feel clever- and how much you mean to me, even though i knew you’d never agree. i never told you cause you never told me.

how’d we end up in this space? i feel so out of place. why’d you bring me here anyway? it would have been fine if things stayed the same.

 

 

chicago in the fall

[recording on SoundCloud]

when all your colors change, summers turned your stone face gray, overgrown with leaves. oh, i know how it feels to be walked on day after day. oh, the train’s leaving again.
when all your colors fade, whats left but to trade everything for a ticket to anywhere else? oh that’s what they all say, but day after day, the train’s leaving again. oh, the train’s leaving.

[chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. the yellow leaves beneath my feet, they ease the hurting. chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. you never ask for nothing in return; i’ll be returning in the fall.]

everyone is in their place. the space for space disappears as the time goes on. the clock ticks it tongue in shame; oh, you’ve spent it all away, day after day. and the train’s leaving again. oh, the train’s leaving.

[chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. the yellow leaves beneath my feet, they ease the hurting. chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. you never ask for nothing in return; i’ll be returning in the fall.]

how do these old streets sound? did you get to say goodbye? did you leave it all behind? there’s always one more life that you can barely see through closed eyes, but you try, and you’re always missing it, cause the train’s leaving. oh, the train’s leaving.

[chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. the yellow leaves beneath my feet, they ease the hurting. chicago in the fall, you’ve been so good to me. you never ask for nothing in return; i’ll be returning in the fall.]

this storm (song) – 11/1/17

the sky is green, the clouds hang heavy over everything. the air is mean; i feel the sting of everything,

everything that you said before you called this storm over me.

it’s bittersweet how all these memories have taken on the smoke from the wildfires. the fields burned quick, but they left behind the trees, standing tall for all that they believe.

well i stood there, as you covered me in flame, until this rain came over me. until this rain poured over me. until this storm passed over me.

i’ve seen it all before. we’ve all heard the thunderstorms, but if you happen to find yourself beneath a cloud, by all means, stay

and let the rain wash it all away. let the rain wash away your pain. let the rain wash it all away.

10/23/17

when you tell me stories it’s like a live performance

i can feel the energy of the crowd coursing through my veins

and the stillness of the moment as everyone holds their breath

and the singer announces his last song; the old favorite, and his voice is humble

the cheers echo in my bones

and the last chord he strikes rings out through the room and melts into the buzzing of the stage lights overhead

i want this moment to last forever